You ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to maybe hang out with you, but they say that they’re too busy or they’re too tired.
You decide to just do it by yourself and when you get back, you discover that they aren’t in.
You text to check up on them and you find out that they’ve already gone to hang out with their friends.
You feel hurt and betrayed. You try to talk to them but they shut you down ad said you’re being too emotional and overdramatic. Or maybe they apologized. But then they did it again.
Now you feel neglected and overlooked and hurt and you don’t know what to do. Well, I’m here to help you with that; these are what you should do.
Evaluate the relationship
Ask yourself questions and answer them very honestly.
Questions like “how much time you’re expecting to be spent with you,” “how much time they spend with their friends,” “whether they behave like this constantly or whether it only occurs on occasion.”
Remember, you’re to answer these honestly. You might discover that you’re not actually giving them space to hang out with their friends. If so, fix up.
But if it is an ongoing issue where they constantly ignore you and discredit your feelings, then you’re not their first priority and they prioritize their friends over you.
Communicate to your boyfriend or girlfriend
Let them know exactly how you feel and how they’ve hurt you. Let them know that them constantly choosing their friends over you makes you feel neglected and sort of unworthy of their attention.
Be completely open about how you feel and make sure you do it calmly. Raising your voice at them will make them feel like you’re attacking them and there’s a higher likelihood of them not considering what you say because of elevated negative emotions.
If they’re willing to respect your feelings and listen to whatever you have to say, then they do value your relationship and are willing to change.
Communication is the soul of every relationship. You should learn how to communicate properly. You should check out an e-book we worked on to help you with communicating better with your partner.
Set boundaries
As you talk to your partner, make them know and understand what behavior is acceptable and what is not.
Openly tell them that you’re not comfortable with them choosing their friends over you at every given opportunity.
Moreover, it is very important to set boundaries in every relationship.
Listen to your boyfriend or girlfriend
After you have said what you have to say, listen to what they have to say. Do that calmly and allow them to also say everything on their mind too.
If what they’re saying doesn’t seem to make sense to you, still don’t react by being aggressive or offensive. Instead, respond in a calm manner and keep your cool.
Try as much as possible to be calm when listening to them.
You might need to compromise
See if you can find a middle ground between both of you, for example, setting aside specific days of the week where it’s just the both of you.
No unnecessary interruptions from friends or from any other sources, except emergencies. Alone time for just the both of you.
You should make an effort to include each other in whatever plans you might have with friends so that the other party would feel included and loved; valued and supported.
Focus on yourself
It’s also important to focus on yourself and yourself. Go jogging, take a walk, walk the dog, pick up new hobbies, start working out, make new friends, practice self-care, go out with friends.
Just do things that make you feel happy and fulfilled, and maybe you’ll find a place of peace there.
Talk to a third party
You can seek support from a friend or a relative if you’re finding it difficult to navigate emotions you might be feeling.
You can also talk to a close friend or relative of your partner’s to help you talk to them.
Only do this if you’d earlier agreed to involve third parties in your relationship. Otherwise, they may feel like you’re trying to paint them bad to other people.
Also, talking to someone else may provide you with an unbiased perspective which could further help you process your emotions.
Go to couples’ therapy
If your boyfriend or girlfriend is willing, you both could go to therapy together to deal with and resolve the issues you have once and for all.
You both talking to a therapist could help you see perspectives that you never even considered in the first place.
It could also help your partner see how they’re hurting you and how they can fix up.
Leave the relationship
If after evaluating your relationship and trying to talk to your partner about how you feel and you realize they don’t consider you to be their first priority, you can leave.
Don’t think that you can change them; because you can’t. Now that you’ve noticed they don’t prioritize you, don’t think that later on, down the road you’ll suddenly be their first priority. If you aren’t a priority to them now, you wouldn’t be later or when there are children involved.
If you do, you’ll be setting yourself up for anger, neglect and betrayal, which could further materialize into resentment and bitterness.
It’s much easier to accept the fact that they’d never consider you their first priority now and move on than piling up all the pain, hurt and bitterness for later when it’d hurt much more.
Protect your heart and move on. Find the love you deserve with a partner who cherishes and prioritizes you.
After all, love is a friendship and romance mixed together, and you deserve a partner who doesn’t see you as a burden or object to be used and neglected.
Ultimately, every relationship is unique, and what works for one may not work for another.
Remember to have an open and honest conversation with your partner to figure out if the relationship is catering to your emotional needs.
Your feelings are valid and it is very important to prioritize your emotions and wellbeing.