Are you in a situation where your girlfriend got pregnant? And you are feeling like you are not ready for that responsibility but the situation is making you feel trapped?
Now you are considering even breaking up with her and leaving. Your situation is similar to Justin’s situation
Justin got to know about her girlfriend getting pregnant. He just couldn’t shake the feeling of being trapped because of this. He loved her, but a baby? He just wasn’t ready for it at this particular phase in his life. He was just figuring out his life and now, he has to raise a child?
Maybe she was just trying to trap him. They had a lot of arguments for the past few months about him moving out of state; maybe she thought she could use a baby as bait to have him all to herself. That’s possible, right?
After all, she only announced the pregnancy when he told her he’d already bought the flight ticket. Justin kept thinking it could be a situation of her wanting to trap him with the pregnancy.
Do you relate to this story? You are wondering if you should stay through with your pregnant girlfriend or just break up and leave her because of how you feel.
Here’s my advice on what you should do.
Self-reflect on the reasons of your feelings of being trapped
What are the possible reasons why you feel this way? Is it an internal problem?
Maybe you had a neglectful dad growing up and you’re scared you’d turn out that way too.
Or maybe you were never in for a lifetime commitment with your girlfriend, and this definitely means having a kid is definitely out of it.
If that’s the case, trust me when I say no one has the manual handbook to parenting. No
one is born a good parent. Parents are made, and it requires deliberate effort and commitment from both parties to raise wonderful children.
Maybe you’re scared of being a father because of financial instability and since you’re broke, you don’t want to raise a child.
Well, what is done is done. Now, what you need to do is to double your hustle.
Reflect on your relationship with your girlfriend
What if the reason you feel trapped isn’t because of the fear of fatherhood, but the person you have to raise the child with like in the case of Chris?
What you’d do now is to sit down and genuinely reflect on the relationship. What are the problems in your relationship with her? Why are you considering breaking off the relationship?
When you do this reflection and see that if you stay in this relationship, even because of a child, you both would be miserable, it would be better if you break it off. BUT STILL SHOW SUPPORT BECAUSE OF YOUR CHILD!
You both can co-parent without having to get married to each other since the relationship itself has some issues.
You don’t have to be in a relationship with the mother of your child to be a good and supportive father to your child.
Two separated but happy parents are better than two married and unhappy parents who’d give the child a lot of lifelong trauma.
Communicate openly about your feeling to your pregnant girlfriend
It is crucial for you to have an open and completely honest conversation with your pregnant girlfriend.
Express all your fears, burdens and feelings to her in a respectful, gentle and calm manner.
Yelling at her or being dismissive isn’t going to get you anywhere as she’s going to feel neglected.
Talk to her gently and remember communication is key in every relationship, even in challenging times.
Explain things to her effectively. Do it gently and be patient with her. Regardless of the decision you make, ensure you support her well this time.
Seek counseling
Talk to a close relative or seek help from a counselor or a therapist.
Just get a place where you’d feel safe and you’d be able to express yourself without prejudice or judgment.
Allay your fears and uncertainties to this person and get an outside perspective on things.
Counseling can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and fears and work through them without any mental breakdowns.
You could speak to me if you think I’ll be of great help. Click this link to speak with me for an hour.
Consider your options
Running away from responsibility isn’t an option to consider in this case, because it will only come back to shoot you in the leg.
Consider all the options you have, whether it’s breaking it off and having 50/50 custody, providing child support, or staying in the relationship and raising the kid together, or any other options you might have and their possible outcomes.
Think about what is best for you, your girlfriend and your baby. Notice I said ‘your baby”; this is because it belongs to you both.
The instant you both agreed to have sex, the probability of pregnancy became included, and since it was a conscious and mutual effort, the baby belongs to the both of you. And it is the responsibility of you both to raise the child.
Take care of yourself
Go on a spa day, go for dinner with your friends, and book a massage. Prioritize self-care during this period.
Nonetheless, you should be able to manage stress adequately, get enough rest and receive support from friends and family so you’d be able to navigate this challenging period more effectively.
Be patient in this whole situation
It is normal to feel overwhelmed and to feel the rush of blood in your ears (not literally) at challenging times like this, but don’t rush into making decisions or start jumping into conclusions.
Give yourself time to process your feelings and make decisions that are right for you, your girlfriend and your baby.
Support her by all means
Whether you decide to break it off or not, your pregnant girlfriend needs all the support she can get and that’s not excluding you.
Be there for her at all times when possible, take her for doctor’s appointments; support her emotionally and financially because the baby belongs to the both of you.
Remember, pregnancy involves a mutual effort and she didn’t just become pregnant of her own volition.
Ultimately, it is important to approach the situation with empathy, understanding and a willingness to communicate openly with your girlfriend.
Taking time off when you feel overwhelmed, seeking support from friends, loved ones and professionals could also help you navigate these challenging times.
Whatever it is you decide, know that a lot of things hang in the line. I hope you make the right choice about this.